This Little Light of Mine

Our next-door neighbor informed us this week that he had seen a strange man lurking behind our house. Apparently, the man was peering into our window when the neighbor’s dog alerted him of the unfamiliar presence. When the neighbor turned his security light on, the man quickly left the premises. Creepy, I know. Given that we were burglarized not even 8 months ago, I was immediately struck with that sick feeling of insecurity. My husband went into super-safety mode and has since buckled up our house like Fort Knox. At night, we are now leaving our outside lights on as an extra deterrent for those who don’t wish to be seen. It’s as though the light surrounds our home and provides a sort of force field around us, separating my family from whatever or whoever might be out there…or at least that’s the way it makes me feel. Well, that and about a billion prayers.

I, myself, am not a fan of darkness. Seemingly, it may have always been this way. I can vividly remember a childhood birthday party where we played “Capture the Flag” at night. I wandered nervously around a friend’s unfamiliar back yard, in pitch black, knowing that I would likely be kidnapped by the opposing team at any moment. It was terrifying. Likewise, I grew up in the Ohio Valley on 10 acres of mostly-wooded property that was inhabited by all sorts of wildlife. Simply walking outside at night to retrieve a forgotten item from the car was enough to make my adrenaline rush. After all, bad things happen in the dark. The boogyman only comes out at night…not to mention that guy with a hook for a hand that gets you on a backroad if you have a flat tire (don’t act like you weren’t afraid of him, too). And coyotes also eat unsuspecting girls who walk outside in the dark to fetch a jacket from the car. Ok, so maybe I’m a little dramatic.

Undoubtedly, though, darkness creates an opportunity to get away with things that wouldn’t or couldn’t be done in the light. It provides cover for evil. Ultimately, it allows actions to be hidden from others, but, certainly not from God. It seems, then, that there are two types of people…those who fear the darkness, and those who fear the light. And I have never been more thankful for being afraid of the dark. I can’t imagine anything worse than living comfortably in darkness, doing harm in the shadows, believing the lie that my deeds are unknown. A love of darkness surely represents a life without hope.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I am no better than the trespasser in our back yard. I am no better than a hooker on a dark corner. I mess up continually. I do things that I would rather keep secret. But, praise be to God that I found The Light of Life that is in Jesus Christ. And he died for us all. So in reality, darkness is merely the absence of Light. Maybe those of us who fear the darkness were made that way for a reason. Maybe God made you to be a beacon of light in a dark world. Maybe it’s our responsibility to seek out those who walk in darkness. Because stepping into the light is as simple as that. As for me (deep breath), I’m going to pray for the thieves and voyers who creep around our street. And this little light of mine…I’m gonna let it shine.

You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. -1 Thessalonians 5:5 NIV

Today

Some of the fondest memories of my childhood take me back to bedtime, with my mother singing my sister and I to sleep with sweet lullabies. Many of these songs have carried over to bedtime with my two small sons as well. Although my singing ability is lacking (to say the least), they don’t seem to notice, and I love hearing their tiny voices echoing those words that I hold so dear to my heart.

My favorite is the refrain of a John Denver song from 1975. I sing this to my boys every night:

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I’ll taste your strawberries, I’ll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Ere I forget all the joy that is mine, Today

Life with small children has its challenges, to say the least. Some days I think I am lucky to have simply survived with all my hair intact. That being said, no matter how awful my day has been, I sing Today to my boys. I remember how precious time is. And I can’t sing that song half-heartedly.

Ultimately, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. So, through fatigue and worry and the never-ceasing stresses of motherhood, I end my day soaking up the blessings of my life…while the blossoms still cling to the vine…here and now. My challenge, no matter what season of life you may be living, is for you to find your joy and cling to it, today.

“This is the day the Lord has made.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118:24

For the Good

(Disclaimer: The following post is in no way stating facts that I have gathered, but rather raising questions that I have been asking. You might not agree with me, and you might just be right.)

Make me a promise. Should I face a challenge that is painful and not easily understood, please don’t offer me sympathy in the form of the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.” Because frankly, I’m just not buying it.

I’ve heard people say that they don’t believe in coincidences, but rather that everything happens for a reason. And the fact that they didn’t get into the college of their dreams or lost jobs that they didn’t really like anyway, means that it was “meant to be”. It was fate, a result of God specifically causing those things to happen because He had something better planned for them. And maybe He did. Or maybe not. Maybe that’s just the way life goes, and sometimes things just don’t work out. That being said, God can still bring us to a better place despite that disappointment. I fully believe that God guides our lives and is active in this world. But, although I am certain that God causes some things to happen to achieve a specific purpose, I’m just not convinced that He causes all things to happen to achieve a specific purpose.

I anxiously followed the weather radar yesterday afternoon as deadly storms caused unbelievable devastation in the Midwest. Babies were found lying in fields. Homes, schools, and businesses were destroyed. Lives were lost. And for what purpose? A well-intentioned FB friend asked the question, “Why is everyone worried about the storms? Don’t you know that God will protect you?” Yes, maybe He will. And maybe He won’t. Because for many people, He didn’t. I’m not questioning the goodness of God or His ability to intervene. What I am questioning is the reason (or lack therof) behind the result when He chooses not to intervene.

I was recently acquainted with the blog of a woman who is grieving the loss of her child. I’m guessing that more than one well-meaning person has uttered those words to her, telling her that everything happens for a reason, certainly in an attempt to console her through this difficult time. Maybe she’s ok with that, but it makes my skin crawl. Don’t get me wrong…God’s hand has been evident throughout her tragedy. She speaks of Him sending people into her life with similar experiences prior to the passing of her baby, and also providing the perfect medical staff for their situation. And God has undoubtedly been glorified through their pain by the way she and her husband have suffered well, and have continued to sing halleluja despite what has happened. I know it is possible that God did cause her child’s death in order for something greater to come about. But, it’s also possible that death is sometimes just a natural part of living in a fallen world…and God does allow it to happen. Knowing this family would endure such a loss, He sent them the support they needed and continues to carry them through it. He does answer prayer. And sometimes, saving us from pain might simply be insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Some might argue that the Bible says in Romans 8:28, “all things work together for good to those who love God,” implying that this verse is an indication that everything happens for a reason. Ultimately, the scripture is true…but it seems this “good” must be referring to our salvation and abundant life in Christ. Certainly, countless Christians have suffered unfathomable trials, encountered evil, and were even martyred for their faith…none of which are good things. And God is pained by our pain. The way I see it, if God has ordained and orchestrated every single detail of this life, if everything does happen for a reason, then not only is there purpose in our suffering, but it also holds Him responsible for both good and evil, and we know that God is perfectly good. Something positive can come through any situation, even through our sin. But utilizing an existing opportunity for God’s glory is different than creating a new opportunity for God’s glory. And I believe that both can happen. So, how can we discern what is from God, and what is a result of living in an imperfect world? I suppose we may never know, unless He chooses to reveal that to us. And it’s probably not worth our time trying to figure it out on our own. If we live well, react well, suffer well, endure well, and worship well…regardless of the circumstance…God’s Will will be done. That’s really all that matters anyway.

So, the next time I am going through a difficult time, tell me something different. Tell me that God is with me, and that you are praying for peace and comfort as I endure. Encourage me to keep the faith and hold tight to joy. Remind me that God is good. And that, even if there is no real purpose behind my pain, God can use it for good. And He will.

Full hands, Full Heart

Long time, no see.

While I’ve been meaning to write for some time now, life seems to have gotten the best of me instead. Honestly, I would be lying if I said I have been anything less than overwhelmed. And it’s not because I have overbooked my schedule. The truth is, I am simply trudging through a season where my day-to-day tasks are a challenge in themselves, and my occupation as the full-time mother of young boys is proving itself more exhausting than I ever imagined…more full of joy…but still more exhausting.

I recently read an article in the Huffington Post called, “Don’t Carpe Diem,” by a blogger named Glennon Melton. And as I sat down to write this post, I realized that the words I was searching for had already been said. So, I’m posting a link to her article instead. Read it, and think of me. My hands are full…but so is my heart.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

Year in Review

As both Christmas and 2011′s ending approach, so also comes the time to reflect upon the events of this year. We remember the joys, re-live the pains, contemplate what could have been done differently, and simply cherish the important things in life. We thank God for bringing us through it, and hope to use what we’ve learned to make next year a better year.

Upon starting this process for myself, I quickly realized that 2011 was not especially kind to our family. Beginning in December of 2010, I can count at least eight major, life-altering, stress-inducing, lose-much-sleep-over events that shook us….and that isn’t counting the sticky details and consequential problems that occurred as a result of each of those events, nor is it counting the challenges that face us all for simply being alive. Looking back, I am almost in disbelief that we came out on the other side of this year in one piece.

Each crisis in itself has seemed overwhelming. Maybe I have even felt abandoned at times, wondering where God was…waiting on Him to respond to prayers that, in some cases, were never going to be answered….at least not in this life. But, in retrospect, God has walked us (or carried us) through each of those situations, and even graciously given me peace in the midst of my questioning. Each step of the way, He has kept us moving forward, and thinking back on the journey now, I can’t quite recall how that happened. It’s sort of like driving home and then realizing I can’t remember anything about my trip. Maybe that’s for the best.

God is good like that. Even though we can’t see the big picture, He is working through it all. Even though this imperfect life might hand us troubles that don’t necessarily have purpose behind them, He can build our character through them. We learn that He is ever-faithful, ever-sustaining, and ever-comforting. And we are reminded that this world is not our Home.

I suppose the part that surprises me most about this year isn’t the sheer number of difficulties we have faced, but rather the fact that my family is still holding onto joy despite them…or in spite of them….or maybe both. Regardless, I am so thankful for that. Because the only possible alternative I see to clinging to joy is simply crumbling. And I much prefer joy.

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, friends, and a joyous New Year. May we celebrate the birth of Christ with whole hearts this Christmas, and end 2011 stronger than we began.

With Thanks…Part 3

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am thankful for the fact that I can catch up with old friends on Facebook, video chat with loved ones across the country, and then travel 1,100 miles in approximately 2 hours via airplane to see them. I am thankful for the approaching Christmas season and all the joy it brings. I am so grateful that my family has the money to buy the everyday things we need without having to think twice. I am thankful for two healthy children, even if their excessive energy nearly drives me crazy at times. And I am thankful that God is still Great, despite my ups and downs, my moods, my doubts, my fears, and my obedience (or lack thereof)…none of which have any affect on who He is.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. Cherish your blessings today, and hold your loved ones tightly.

With Thanks…Part 2

As mentioned previously, I plan to post multiple time this month about the things in my life that I am so very thankful for.

These past few days, I have been thankful for relationships that are worth my grief. As most of you know, I recently lost my aunt. I woke up one morning this week in tears after having dreamt of her through the night, which made for a rough start to my day. But, when push comes to shove, I am so grateful that I have people in my life who mean that much to me…relationships meaningful enough to grieve over if lost.

I am thankful for God showing us his awesomeness through nature…full moons and oceans and all. I am thankful for good friends, old and new. I am thankful for a husband who thinks I am beautiful whether my hair is long or short…whether I am stinky and haven’t showered or all dolled up…whether I am 10 pounds heavier or 10 pounds lighter. And I am thankful for two funny little boys who simply crack me up.

To be continued….

With Thanks…Part 1

It’s November…which can only mean one thing. The multitudes on Facebook are now each posting a daily “I’m thankful for…” status from now until Thanksgiving. And I love it. I love the fact that the same people who are normally talking about their need for coffee or the stress of the day are now focusing their minds on the parts of their lives that make the rest of that stuff worthwhile; people in the same broken situations (aren’t we all?), only with the right perspective. So, in that same spirit, I plan on posting several times this month to express how thankful I am for all the really great people and things in my own life.

Today, I am thankful for sunshine….thankful that a sunny day makes it difficult to stay in a bad mood for long. I am thankful for my children, who are a constant reminder to me that I am responsible for living my life well, and who also serve as a never-ending call for me to put the needs of others before myself. I am thankful for my husband, who is one of the hardest working men I know. I am thankful for God providing for my family, even during times when we couldn’t see it. I am thankful for all the people who have crossed paths with me over the years and touched my life. For this reason, I am grateful for the many times we have been caused to move, although in the moment, we were unable to discern the purpose behind that rocky road. I am thankful that we will have the opportunity to travel back to visit family soon. And I am thankful for those of you who read my blog and continue to encourage me to keep writing.

To be continued……

 

 

The Narrow Path

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

I’m sure I’ve read Matthew 7:13-14 a hundred times, not really thinking too much about it, other than the fact that following Christ isn’t necessarily a popular thing to do. I suppose I always scanned over these verses and envisioned myself standing at a fork in the road with two paths splitting off in different directions. To my left is a wide and straight road, smoothly paved, and to my right is a small, winding path leading into the unknown. I know I’m supposed to choose the path on the right. And, until this week, I never really questioned that. I came across this passage, once again, and something about it caught ahold of me. I understood the fact that the road is narrow and the gate is small….but why? Why is the road to Christ not broad with a mile-wide gate? I just didn’t get it. So, I did a little research and thought I’d share what I found.

Dictionary.com defines the English word “narrow” as:

1.  of little breadth or width; not broad or wide; not as wide as usual or expected: a narrow path.
2.  limited in extent or space; affording little room: narrow quarters.

However, the Interlinear Study Bible defines the word “qliðbw”  (original Greek word for narrow) or “thlibo” (transliterated word) as:

1. to press (as grapes), press hard upon
2. a compressed way
   1. narrow straitened, contracted

To me, this text was saying that the path wasn’t necessarily narrow because it had been carved that way or because the Creator wanted to make it tricky to follow. The path was narrow because it was being pressured on all sides with world was squeezing in on it. The same Greek word is used in 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 where it says, ”But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

More than anything, it seems like this verse serves as a notice to anyone considering following God’s Word. It will be tough. There will be pressure all around you making the path you chose hard to maneuver. But, at the end it will be worth it….you will find LIFE.

Seasoned with Salt

I most recently wrote about being joyful through difficult circumstances. It seems I may have actually written that post for my future self, as I have since needed those words as a reminder for me hold tightly to my joy (which, by the way, is easier said than done).

On October 7th, my family lost my lovely aunt, Carole O’Connor. I have been putting off posting this, even though the words have been here all along, mainly because it’s not easy to write about someone who has passed away. I think avoidance is often a coping mechanism that helps us move forward and survive things like this. But, sometimes dwelling in the memories…painful as it may be….is worth it. She was truly a precious gem in our lives.

I wanted to share the piece I wrote for Carole’s funeral, so that those of you who didn’t have the privilege of knowing her could catch a glimpse of this woman I hold so dear.

I am so blessed to have been born into an amazing family where unconditional love somehow holds us all together. Sometimes that bond is like a well-planned layer of concrete, and other times it seems more like a sticky mess. But, we never stop clinging to one another, even when the road gets bumpy, the outlook seems blurry, and the sky is falling down around us. I am ever thankful for that.

Carole’s passing has left a gaping hole in our lives that I can never imagine being refilled…like a beautiful puzzle with a lost piece. But, the way she intentionally invested herself in others will keep parts of her alive in each of us, so that even though a portion of the picture is missing, the collection of pieces remaining will clearly reveal what was meant to fill that gap….a glimpse of who she was.

To me, Carole always seemed to be the embodiment of wisdom. She carried with her an abundance of life lessons and a discerning mind. She was honest and fair. She was an educator. And she was purposeful in the way she spoke. Colossians 4:6 says to “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” This was Carole…never speaking in haste. She was quick to listen, and her words were seasoned with salt.

Some people live their lives and pass away, leaving no trail behind them. But, Carole has left a legacy. She was our family historian, knower of secrets, gifted storyteller, collector of heirlooms, and keeper of memories. Because of her, I feel as though I know my grandmother who died before I was born. Because of Carole, I understand how important it is to preserve that history and pave the path for the generations to come.

Carole was a caregiver at heart. She was a mother, not only to her own son, but to all of us. Mothers love unconditionally, correct when necessary, guide, encourage and pour themselves into their children. They serve and protect and teach them. And Carole mothered more lives than I will ever know. She served as a perfect model for her beautiful grandchildren whom she loved more than life itself. The world is a greater place, not only because Carole lived, but because of those she has inspired to live better.

More than anything else, though, Carole was a follower of Christ. We may not understand the purpose behind her death, but we know that she is now fully alive. My prayer is that her incredible faith, the faith of a soul that was truly changed, will cause us all to seek that Truth and live our lives well in response. I won’t say goodbye to Carole today, because I know that this life is not the end. Instead, I will say, “Until we meet again…”

Times like these cause people to evaluate their lives and consider what might be worth changing…what attributes of that loved one you would aspire to possess. Honestly, it would be an honor to carry on even a small part of her. And I would undoubtedly wish for my words to be seasoned with salt. My prayer for now is that God would grant me the wisdom and patience needed to learn to speak gracefully, so that when I do speak, I say something worth hearing.

May Carole’s life never stop inspiring others, and may she rest in peace.